Headaches are awful... Sometimes my head throbs. Kind of like there is a group of frustrated one year olds in there, trying to find their way out through my eye socket, or my ears- with no ability to communicate and ask for help. (Admittedly, that statement was wierd- REALLY WIERD- but I think it gets my point across, and additionally, throws in a reference to the challenges and frustrations that one year olds goes through as they are "finding their way". Good for me.) I think my head throbs because I'm still finding my own way- as a mommy, as a wife, as a professional, as a friend. If you'd told me at 20 that I'd be writing that at 30 (oh gosh... I actually wrote that- and I'm 32... where does the time go) I would never have believed it. Aren't we supposed to have it all figured out by now? No, of course not, but little parts of us believe that. That is why rough patches seem hard to deal with. Tough moments are tough. Every day has one or two (thankfully on most days, the challenging stuff is far outweighed by the number of amazingly wonderful moments), but the tough ones- they cause headaches.
For me, the really unfortunate thing is- swallowing pills is worse (there's a story there too- but that is for another time).
Writing is a pretty amazing thing. I've realized of late that I should really make more time to freewrite- just get my thoughts out, "on paper" if you will. Right now I'm relishing a few minutes of quiet time here at the house. Grey's Anatamy is on in the background, Penelope is cuddled up on the floor next to me and Gretchen is snoozing upstairs. Oh- what was that- angel bells? Am I in heaven? It is really nice to have a few minutes to breathe... just breathe, just be. Some times time goes so quickly. It is hard to appreciate everything that is going on when the clock seems to race by you. I'm working on that though. Kind of like the day of our wedding. People told me to take time to watch, to listen, to smell. Reminding myself that it is important to pay attention, to go slow, to appreciate. That is something I'm getting better at as I get older. So, writing- that is one way I'm going to attempt to pay attention. To process. Maybe tackling the keyboard each evening, to share- to write... to get it out on paper... maybe it will be a good replacement for the Tylenol tablet that is becoming a standard part of my bedtime routine...
